No pictures this time; just feeling the need to write something....
So here I am, just 10 days until I fly out. I find myself in sort of a weird state. I am soooooooooo excited about going and a part of me wishes that I could just go right now! I am ready to move into my new apartment, I am ready to start thinking about a new school year, I am ready to get to work with my new colleagues in my new school. And yet...
... another part of me is nervous/scared/sad. Leaving friends has gotten harder and harder the, dare I say it, older I get! Of course it doesn't help that one won't be snuggly situated in Camas, but instead embarking on her own adventure on the other side of the world!!!! And it doesn't help that others will be worrying (and quite possibley calling the state department!!!! I have leaned on my friends a great deal these past years. Leaving them is hard.
This is also the first time I have ever moved anywhere completely alone. I've moved dozens of times but always with family. This is very different. I am trying to focus on what a great adventure it's going to be and how strong I am as a woman (hear Helen Reddy here...) when really what I am feeling right now is a deep sense of lonliness. For the first time, I have the feeling that the move is harder on the one going, not those left behind. That for the first time, the mover is the one who feels the sense of loss, the immensity of the 'move'. That makess me feel lonely.
And I think that most of all, this move is hard, not because I am traveling alone, but because I am not traveling with my daughters. Big difference..... I know they will both be fine. One about to embark on her own new journey ~ one I hope to share in thanks to Skype!!!! And the other tucked safely in a pink house where she will finish her education just in time for me to return. And I know that we will absolutely keep in touch (maybe even more than we have in the past, if that's possible!!!!) what with blogs, email, and my favorite: Skype. It's still hard, though.
So what is a woman to do? Look ahead even though her heart feels like it's breaking? Yup. That's what they tell me. And so I do. What is it I always say... I am extremely adaptable, yet also horribly resistant to change. lol So I know that means these next 10 days here and the first 10 days there will be the hardest. And then, like a chamelion, Iwill be just fine! And besides, my girst will be down before I know it for a beachy Christmas!
Wow ~ not sure I should even post this. I didn't mean to get so mooshy.... Laurel. Sarah. I need advice on the content of my blog it seems!!!!
3 comments:
Don't worry, the posting becomes easier and you will find yourself thinking "I'll take my camera in case I see something blog-worthy" That's my term, but you can use it.
About the trip . . . I've been in your shoes, when I embarked on a trip alone to Europe, although, I didn't stay for as long as you will, I really grew as a person and found out who I was and who I wanted to be. I wish this for you!
Your archive is showing up. Do you still need my help? Sorry for the delay, I was out of town.
Hi Kathy! I was so glad to see you updated! I am so excited for your adventure. I feel like I can taste a bit of your loneliness - from someone who has surprised herself of what she's capable while flying solo - I hope that you will be surprised by your strength, too! Best of luck to you in your travels... our school will feel the loss of your absence! I will carry on your "CIAO BELLA" greetings in the staff room... I just got back from Italy and feel like I can own it!!! Love ya!
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